Screw you, thieves

Just before Molly and Dan and I were about to stumble out the door this morning in our usual fit of late-running chaos, we were met by a very nice policeman knocking on our door. At 8:15 a.m. This did not amuse Murphy the sharp-as-a-rusty-filed-down-tack watchdog who promptly barked loud enough to trigger a mild earthquake.

Seems some neighbors down the street had come out this morning to find their cars ransacked and items stolen, and while the cop was driving down the street looking for other possible victims, he noticed that the door to my car -- lovingly referred to now as "mommy BLUE car" -- was ajar. Sure enough, some jackasses had completely rooted through both my and Dan's cars overnight -- pulling everything out of the glove compartment, emptying consoles, throwing our shit on the floor (I think it was them. Hard to tell among the 4 inches of pretzel crumbs and smashed up goldfish crackers that already form a lovely graham cracker-like crust on the floor of my car)...and yet, apparently, taking NOTHING.

We are not talking the world's finest criminal minds here, or even people who understand that people will PAY MONEY to buy NICE STUFF on ebay. They left Molly's $250 car seat; our cell phone chargers; the adapters for our MP3 players; a stroller; all our CDs, etc. I was ragingly fumingly lividly and several other adverbs-ly PISSED, but Dan found some humor in the fact that no one in their right mind would steal my CDs, even if he PAID them. Among the ransacked display on my front seat -- Nelly, Britney Spears, KC and the Sunshine Band (the remix album), A Chorus Line, Baby Einstein Traveling Melodies, Best of Disney part 2, and Millenium Hip Hop Party. Now WHO could pass down a musical smorgasbord of such distinction?? I mean really.

Anyway, from now on, I guess daddy's insistence that we DO NOT NEED TO LOCK OUR DOORS, OH MY GOD WOMAN, STOP IT, YOU ARE AN OBSESSIVE FREAK has been reduced to a whimper. I hope these dumbasses walked away with sticky poptart residue, baby boogers and other assorted schmegma all over their unsuspecting little criminal fingers. And perhaps next time, Captain Snores-a-lot the Wonder Dog could actually GET OFF the extra bed where he sleeps sideways like a 115 lb passed out furry frat boy and bark...AT THE PEOPLE BREAKING INTO OUR CARS!!!!! Seriously. No points for the dog on this one.